Forgive me father for I have not Blogged.

It's been about a month since my last post. No, I'm not going through a block or anything like that. With me the well is never dry. Just been busy lately. I started a new shitty job a couple of weeks back and I've kinda not been in the mood to write. When I get home I just feel like watching television and masturbating to Windsor Pilate's infomercials just as the common folk do.

Just to show you I'm not lying (when I say that it means I actually am lying) and that I'm still thinking about shit, below are a few miscellaneous thoughts and complaints. (okay, mostly complaints.)

Floats: What diabolical bastard came up with the idea of mixing soda pop and ice cream without giving any consideration as to the effect it would have on the human digestive system? That’s just reckless and irresponsible behaviour if you ask me. I don’t think anybody’s ever had a float and not taken a life threatening crap afterwards. Oh yeah, it’s worth it though. Ice cream and soda pop go down so well together.

Infomercial Actors: I sometimes wonder what the suicide rate is like in this profession. “Two summers ago I was in a park production of Much Ado About Nothing. Nowadays I pretend to be amazed and excited by inflatable mattresses, exercise machines, kitchen appliances and other lame shit like that. Hey, I like you, you wouldn’t happen to have any coke would you?”

Bollywood Movies: I miss the good old days when it wasn’t considered racist to laugh at movies from India. Don’t give me any of that shit! You used to laugh at them too.

Grown ups that wear Jean Jackets: “My, what a very stylish jacket you got there. What’s that? No I don’t want to go up to your bedroom, get high and listen to Guns N’ Roses.”

That fucking Sun that used to be in the Post Raisin Bran commercials: Holding out those two scoops of raisins, smiling and laughing it up while offering us those poor grapes he tortured with his deadly ultra-violet rays. Sadistic bastard!

People who sell drugs yet still have the balls to try and come off as ‘nice’: Fuck you, you’re a drug dealer, you’re not nice. Nice people make a positive contribution to society, they don’t profit from the decay. It’s black or white, stop creating these grey zones as a result of your nagging conscience. Of course, this doesn’t go for people who sell Marijuana. Come on, we all know that they’re not real drug dealers.

Poetry (poets): Stop beating around the fucking bush you pretentious fucks. Just put it plain and simple so everyone can understand.

Post game sports interviews with the losing team: Is there really a fucking point to this?

Bull Riding: Yeah, the cowboy hat looks cool, but maybe a helmet of some sort would be the smarter choice. Nice suede chaps.

Cars flying off of cliffs in movies: I’m not one for censorship, but this shit should be banned from movies. Can’t Hollywood writers find some hip fresh ways for people to die behind the wheel in movies? Something more original would be nice for a change, like getting piss drunk, crashing through the front window of a Starbucks and then slitting your wrists with the blade from the coffee bean grinder due to the realization that you’ll be living in guilt the rest of your life because you’ve just killed five innocent Frappuccino sipping bystanders.

Canine Cuisine: I’m opposed to it. I’m even more opposed to stupid fucks who are also opposed to it, but still give their dogs flavoured names like Ginger or Coco. I don’t own a dog myself, but something tells me if I did, I wouldn’t give it a name like Ketchup or Cool Ranch just cause it sounds cute.